Dear Missionary: 4 Tips for Working with Members Like Me

Dear Noah,

These 4 ideas may or may not apply to working in Bulgaria.  Our friends who have met with the missionaries are usually secular, educated, and skeptical.  Most have never been inside a church except for funerals or weddings, if that.  

1-CALL ME "HOLLY" 

If you are teaching or talking with my nonmember friends, refer to me in the same way that I introduced myself to you and to my friend.  A doctor named Sarah came to our house a couple of days ago to meet with the sisters and with me.  The sisters kept calling me, “Sr Jones;” and Dad, “Pres Jones."  It felt awkward, and *NOT* because strict obedience to church handbook means that the missionaries should have been calling ME “Pres Jones” too!  (because I am Primary president - but, please, NO!)  

It felt awkward when the elders did the same thing when Sue and Jamie came over.   I remember Sue looking over with a raised eyebrow and an amused expression on her face, but since we were in the middle of talking about something else, I chose not to stop and explain, even when it kept happening.

I think it’s okay for missionaries to use formal titles if they feel they should, or if they’ve been directed to do so, but at least realise when it merits an explanation and don’t be oblivious.  

2-CONSIDER BEST STUDY MATERIALS

Consider leaving something other than the missionary tracts, that look - in my mind - unappealing.  Someone who is not used to being around religious stuff may have even a stronger reaction than I.  I know that Sue was fairly turned off by her pamphlet, both the pictures and the wording, but I feel that she would have responded well to a talk from General Conference.  Not sure about J., although I know he read most or all of the BofM that the missionaries gave him.  

I felt that the “Plan of Salvation” pamphlet was not the best thing to give Sarah after our meeting on Friday night.  I could be wrong, but that was my gut feeling.

I know it’s important to send something home to study, but, depending on the person you are teaching, perhaps consider a conference talk instead of the pamphlet?  Or, in addition to the pamphlet?  Or a few chapters out of the scriptures?  Or an assignment to read something and then write something down - 3 things they would ask God if He would answer?  3 times when they felt a feeling of holiness?  Etc.

  

3-THE THREE BASIC INGREDIENTS

Just like a primary talk or a sacrament-meeting talk, I think every missionary discussion (or after-dinner spiritual thought) would be effective if it included:

1. a story
2. a scripture 
3. a testimony

On Friday night, near what seemed like the end of our conversation, the sisters offered touching testimony, but without a story or a scripture, it was hard for me or for Sarah to even know what they felt so strongly about.    

(It was obvious that they felt strong about something, though, and, that adage, “I didn’t remember anything that was said, but I do remember how I felt,” trumps any other teaching goal.  And when I asked the sisters to share a story, they did.) 

4-PRAY WITH CONFIDENCE

Our friends have never seen anyone pray, let alone someone sitting just a few feet away from them in a someone’s house.  They have no idea how it should be done or who should do it or how long it will last or ANYTHING.  

So, don't give an apologetic smile to our friends and ask, 

“Should we end with a prayer?” 

Or 

“Would you mind if we ended with a prayer?”

Or

“Who would you like to say it?”  

Our nonreligious friends have no idea how to answer any of these questions.  Sarah, for example, a couple of nights ago, had no idea how to answer these questions when the missionaries asked them.

You could say, 

“We’d like to end this important conversation with a prayer, to acknowledge and include the God of Heaven and Earth, the God that knows you and me better than we even know ourselves.  It will take about 2 minutes.  I would ask my companion to pray in all of our behalf (look for a nod from companion), and the rest of us will listen.  In order to concentrate better, it is our custom to close our eyes and bow our heads while we pray - would you please join us?”

***************

I have loved our missionary experiences.  Without exception, the missionaries who have taught our friends have brought a holy feeling into our home.  I have appreciated each one of them.  Without being perfect, they are doing a good job.  I'm not perfect, either.

Dad and I have put Clay Christensen’s hypothesis to the test.  In his book about Member Missionaries, he wrote that 1 out of 4 people who he invites to listen to the missionary discussions will say yes.  My experience is 2 out of 4.  Dad’s experience, in the last month since he started keeping track, is 2 out of 2.  Watching him is definitely motivating for me, and I feel that I am more on the look out for missionary opportunities at the moment because of him.  

Somehow it makes it easier to ask someone to hear the missionary discussions, for me, if I realise how willing I am to accept 3 “no’s” in order to get to the “yes." My friendship has deepened with every friend who has accepted the invitation to listen to the missionaries.  It gives me confidence to keep asking.

Love,

Mom

Who wouldn't want to come to church when you might sit next to Kaihiki?

Here's Mike's response:  

Hol

Love all these ideas and agree whole-heartedly with them!  

Here are 3 ideas that I believe are key in motivating me as a missionary.

1.  Teach the members to Invite People to hear the Discussions before trying to "friendship" them.

I really believe the principle taught by Clay Christensen that the best way to make a friend is to do so as they are taught by the missionaries in your home.  For most of my life I have felt awkward trying to "friendship" nonmembers with the ulterior motive of eventually inviting them to take the Discussions.  Now I invite people early and often.  If they say no, it isn't a rejection of my friendship and it often increases the chances that as I interact with that person in the future they are more open with me about spiritual things and personal beliefs. 

2.  Assume members have many interactions and relationships with nonmembers and assume they want to share the gospel with these people.

Sometimes I feel like missionaries don't remember that members of the church are just regular people. We have friends, colleagues at work, and other people who are nonmembers with whom we interact every day. If missionaries have the confidence to assume that members want to share the gospel, then I think they can be more effective in motivating and inviting  the members to do so.  

3.  Teach Members the Discussions as a way to gain their trust 

I will never forget when Elder Romney and his companion came to our home and taught a missionary discussion to our family with power and with the spirit. After they taught that discussion to our family I was extremely motivated to invite my friends to hear the discussions from those missionaries. For me one of the main concerns in inviting friends and colleagues to hear the discussions is whether I feel that the missionaries will be able to teach with love and with the spirit. There is no better way to bring the Spirit into a home and at the same time demonstrate your love and teaching skills than to teach a discussion to members. I think this is especially powerful when you are teaching in a language that is not your native tongue. When the members hear your testimony and are touched by the stories you tell while teaching they will naturally want their friends to have those same feelings.  Following such a discussion is a perfect time to invite members to take the next step in doing missionary work.  See # 1 above.

Love 

Dad