I have attended small LDS branches in the Bronx, in Germany, and now in New Zealand. In my limited experience, something about the smaller congregation and the isolation from the broader church, results in a higher percentage of unfiltered comments during church meetings.
Swear words, for example.
We heard a fair amount of rough language in church settings in the Bronx. We hear it in New Zealand, too, although the culture here is very different to the Bronx. For one thing, the words people consider profane vary slightly from the words considered profane in other English-speaking places I've lived. An expat friend living in a nearby city said that her first Sunday teaching the youth - and hearing what she considered swear words - shocked her, but now she's in Relief Society and it's about the same. . . just no longer shocking. My experience has been similar.
But the difference in the meaning attached to "swear" words only accounts for some of the unfiltered language I hear. When Oak came back from FSY (similar to EFY - a week with 900 other New Zealand youth), he said that he'd never heard so much swearing at a church meeting as he heard during the final testimony meeting. He also said that it was one of the most spiritual meetings he had ever attended. According to Oak, some of the youth speakers would get nervous, turn their heads to the side and let out a little steam under their breath, but then have the courage to face forward and keep talking.
One type of unfiltered language that I hear in New Zealand, however, which I have not heard with the same frequency anywhere else I've lived, is reference to family violence.
Supposedly New Zealand and the Pacific Islands have high rates of domestic violence. I have seen evidence to support this through my involvement at church.
I'm thinking about this topic today because of something I heard in sacrament meeting a few hours ago. The speaker, a young missionary who was born into the church, said, "Coming from [my] home, the laying on of hands was not like this... [he pantomimed a priesthood blessing], but more like this... [he pantomimed swinging fists]."
Recently, a woman told me that the hardest part about coming back to church was overcoming hard feelings against her adopted father, who was Mormon, because he "threw his fists around", and she knew he was a leader in the church.
The most startling story I've heard came from a church dinner associated with our district conference several years ago. A mission president told me about a sister missionary who became pregnant while on her mission and who was being sent from New Zealand back to her home on a different island. He said that she told him something along the lines of, "I'll get beat up. I'm not worried for myself, but I worry for the baby." (I don't know the end of this story!)
I could go on. I would estimate that I hear some direct reference to family violence in church settings an average of once every 4 months. Oak and Mercy hear more, since their long-time Sunday school teacher is a detective who tells a lot of stories. When I asked him, Oak said, "We only hear about the ones that die."
According to Mike, the injuries they see in the Emergency Department from fighting and assault, while terrible, are less acute than what he has seen in the States because people use their fists instead of guns or knives.
Frequent, casual reference to domestic violence is not something I have experienced in other small branches that I've attended, including the Bronx.
Whether domestic violence happens more frequently, or people are more unfiltered in their comments, or both, I wish there was more I could do. I feel grateful for my safe home.
