The Finger...and other favorite rules for raising preschoolers

Mercy enjoyed helping me prepare this update...

1. You may complain about anything - twice.   

Parents need to follow this rule, too.  

2. You Can't Say that Someone Can't Play

3. "Is there anything else I can do?"      

When you think the dishes are done, you don't step out of the kitchen  until you ask, "Is there anything else I can do?"  

Everyone knows the exact line where the kitchen ends and next room begins.

Funny how some of the most interesting conversations and the most elevated hilarity come during this protected family time.

4. Mom finishes

You can wait while Mom finishes eating what's on her plate or in her bowl.
No one else really knew about this rule - I made it for myself and use it often.

Link to a BYU magazine article
that changed my attitude

Another rule for myself:  Mom doesn't clean house when kids are asleep.

5. Read for 30-minutes 

30 minutes silent reading per day.  (Kids can just look at the pictures if they can't read yet.)

Joyce "reads" a book out loud during her reading time

6. No Food out of the Kitchen  

7.  Ask nicely twice, and then you may ask Mom for help.  

When you are having a problem with another kid....
Ask the other kid nicely for what you want - twice - and if the other kid still isn't listening, then you may ask Mom for help.

Danny and Mercy?

Asking for help starts with "Will you please....?" not "So-and-so did such-and-such...."

(This rule has worked great for many years, but may be nearing the end of its usefulness.  It has recently degenerated into "PDPD, M!" These letters stand for, "Please don't - Please don't.  MOM!!!!!")

8.   No Potty Jokes 

This rule is easily understood, and I've taught it to a number of neighborhood kids who have ridden in my car or visited my house.  Do other people just let their kids talk this way?!

9. The Finger

The Finger - the index finger - means, "I heard you, but wait your turn.  Someone else is already talking to me."  

I'm not sure what I would do without the Finger.  So many times I've felt stress and frustration mounting inside me, as multiple important people all talk to me at once, and then feel an actual wave of relief when I remember the Finger.  It's sounds funny, but it's true for me.  

Let Joycie finish

The Finger is especially useful when you have little kids and big kids in the same house.  Little kids leave long gaps between words, and big kids tend to crowd in.  

10. The "W" Sign 

The "W" stands for Whining.  When a (small) kid is whining, I turn away and flash the sign of the W.
No eye contact from me.  No words from me.

The "W" lets the child know why I'm not responding.

Mercy poses as the Mom,  flashing a "W" at the doll-child

Once a child can speak respectfully and control their tone of voice or their tantrum, I turn toward them and give full love and support.

11. Don't Contradict

I learned this from Laura Ingalls Wilder and "The Little House on the Prairie."

"Jack's afraid of something." Mary said.

"Jack's not afraid of anything, ever!"  Laura contradicted.

"Laura, Laura," Ma said, "It's not nice to contradict."  p. 218

From Martine's HandBook of Etiquette:  

Franklin says, that you must never contradict in conversation, nor correct facts if wrongly stated. This is going much too far; you must never contradict in a short, direct, or positive tone; but with politeness, you may easily, when necessary, express a difference of opinion in a graceful and even complimentary manner. And I would almost say, that the art of conversation consists in knowing how to contradict, and when to be silent... (p.16-7)

Disagreeing respectfully is an important skill, and I think young children can learn.   

12.  Certain words are off-limits until you grow up:
"hate," "kill," "stupid," "dumb," "shut up."  

No killing games.  

"Did you see a pretend army come by?" -Noah, age 4

13.  Don't tell Lies, such as "I can't do it" or "I'll never play with you again."  

Tell the Truth,  such as "I can't do it yet" or "I feel frustrated."   

  

14.  "When you are finished, may I have a turn?"

What I taught my kids to say to the kid who had the toy they wanted.

15.  Math game in the car.  

I am starting to see the end of some of these preschool rules in our house, as Joycie grows up.  It's been fun for Mercy and I to make this list!

Book of the week:

It's good that I'm not a member of the target audience for this book....

Beanstalk

Is this a weed?  I think it is a magic beanstalk.

It wasn't there last spring.  

It has sprung up in the last couple of months.  

Now it's taller than I.  

 The biggest miracle about our pet beanstalk is that it hasn't gotten knocked down by the volleyball or a volleyball player.

Book of the week: 

Fascinating.  Alzheimer's storyline, but not as predictable as you think. 

Mother in Heaven

By the way, you've heard the idea that we don't know more about a Mother in Heaven to keep people from profaning her name?  This idea has been traced to a seminary teacher (Melvin Brooks) from the 1960's.

Hard Things Make Great Memories (Sometimes)

Sometimes we think it's fun to do hard things.  

Pouakai Crossing is not an official "Great Walk" of New Zealand, although it's been under discussion.  Most locals want to keep flying under the radar.   

At the trailhead 

Day 1 - Awesome views 

Overnight at the Holly Hut.  

Inside the Holly Hut with other hikers

Day 2, the forecast called for rain.  I thought it would be intermittent - but that was Utah-girl thinking.  
The rain was not intermittent, but a solid downpour all day, with strong gusts of wind to boot. We walked through water up to our ankles most of the way out.  

Luckily it wasn't slippery or too cold.  Just wet.  The weather was terrible...but memorable.

Splashing along the trail. 

Noah's perspective on the whole adventure ("Man Up!) can be found at JustForTheAdventure.    

So the following weekend, we decided to take on a different challenge:  the Around the Mountain Relay with the Ellingtons, Sagarin-Webbs, and Bishops.  100 miles.  Since the weather was nice, we made our life difficult (and memorable) by being the part of our team that started the race at 2:30AM. 

Mike took this picture

Oak ran the first leg, which started at 2:30AM, and our whole family was there to cheer him on.  Oak also ran a long middle leg, and then happened to also run the final leg which brought our team all the way back where we started.  We finished at 3:30PM.

Youngest kids on our team ran one 3K leg together.  Mercy in pink.
 

I'm thankful that we have been able to choose most of our challenges in life so far.  

John

John is staying with us for a few weeks to finish his exams here before going to Tonga for the summer with his family.  He helped us out by running two legs.  

Other random pictures from the week:

Q&A after a recital

a good girl

Last Night of the Proms - I've never been to a concert quite like it.  It was fun to sing and wave a flag.  

Danny, Oak and Dom in the percussion section.  

  

Books of the Week:

Thanks, Jen!  Wow.

I'm going to underline my favorite lines and give a copy to each of our two oldest boys.

Anti-American discrimination in NZ schools

Last week, Oak was the victim of some anti-American discrimination in his NZ school.

Oak missed  - MISSED! - the following question from one of his English worksheets:

Name 3 homonyms of the word "hare".*


Oak wrote down "hair" as a homonym for "hare," but then he felt stumped and couldn't think of another two homonyms.  Can you?

He was surprised to find out that none of his classmates found the question difficult.

They told him that the homonyms are "hare," "hair," "hear," and "here," of course.

They pronounce these words EXACTLY the same!






*Yes, the period - or the "full stop" - is placed OUTSIDE the quotation marks when you are within the Commonwealth of Nations. I get a kick out of the little details, like this, of living abroad!