The Finger...and other favorite rules for raising preschoolers

Mercy enjoyed helping me prepare this update...

1. You may complain about anything - twice.   

Parents need to follow this rule, too.  

2. You Can't Say that Someone Can't Play

3. "Is there anything else I can do?"      

When you think the dishes are done, you don't step out of the kitchen  until you ask, "Is there anything else I can do?"  

Everyone knows the exact line where the kitchen ends and next room begins.

Funny how some of the most interesting conversations and the most elevated hilarity come during this protected family time.

4. Mom finishes

You can wait while Mom finishes eating what's on her plate or in her bowl.
No one else really knew about this rule - I made it for myself and use it often.

Link to a BYU magazine article
that changed my attitude

Another rule for myself:  Mom doesn't clean house when kids are asleep.

5. Read for 30-minutes 

30 minutes silent reading per day.  (Kids can just look at the pictures if they can't read yet.)

Joyce "reads" a book out loud during her reading time

6. No Food out of the Kitchen  

7.  Ask nicely twice, and then you may ask Mom for help.  

When you are having a problem with another kid....
Ask the other kid nicely for what you want - twice - and if the other kid still isn't listening, then you may ask Mom for help.

Danny and Mercy?

Asking for help starts with "Will you please....?" not "So-and-so did such-and-such...."

(This rule has worked great for many years, but may be nearing the end of its usefulness.  It has recently degenerated into "PDPD, M!" These letters stand for, "Please don't - Please don't.  MOM!!!!!")

8.   No Potty Jokes 

This rule is easily understood, and I've taught it to a number of neighborhood kids who have ridden in my car or visited my house.  Do other people just let their kids talk this way?!

9. The Finger

The Finger - the index finger - means, "I heard you, but wait your turn.  Someone else is already talking to me."  

I'm not sure what I would do without the Finger.  So many times I've felt stress and frustration mounting inside me, as multiple important people all talk to me at once, and then feel an actual wave of relief when I remember the Finger.  It's sounds funny, but it's true for me.  

Let Joycie finish

The Finger is especially useful when you have little kids and big kids in the same house.  Little kids leave long gaps between words, and big kids tend to crowd in.  

10. The "W" Sign 

The "W" stands for Whining.  When a (small) kid is whining, I turn away and flash the sign of the W.
No eye contact from me.  No words from me.

The "W" lets the child know why I'm not responding.

Mercy poses as the Mom,  flashing a "W" at the doll-child

Once a child can speak respectfully and control their tone of voice or their tantrum, I turn toward them and give full love and support.

11. Don't Contradict

I learned this from Laura Ingalls Wilder and "The Little House on the Prairie."

"Jack's afraid of something." Mary said.

"Jack's not afraid of anything, ever!"  Laura contradicted.

"Laura, Laura," Ma said, "It's not nice to contradict."  p. 218

From Martine's HandBook of Etiquette:  

Franklin says, that you must never contradict in conversation, nor correct facts if wrongly stated. This is going much too far; you must never contradict in a short, direct, or positive tone; but with politeness, you may easily, when necessary, express a difference of opinion in a graceful and even complimentary manner. And I would almost say, that the art of conversation consists in knowing how to contradict, and when to be silent... (p.16-7)

Disagreeing respectfully is an important skill, and I think young children can learn.   

12.  Certain words are off-limits until you grow up:
"hate," "kill," "stupid," "dumb," "shut up."  

No killing games.  

"Did you see a pretend army come by?" -Noah, age 4

13.  Don't tell Lies, such as "I can't do it" or "I'll never play with you again."  

Tell the Truth,  such as "I can't do it yet" or "I feel frustrated."   

  

14.  "When you are finished, may I have a turn?"

What I taught my kids to say to the kid who had the toy they wanted.

15.  Math game in the car.  

I am starting to see the end of some of these preschool rules in our house, as Joycie grows up.  It's been fun for Mercy and I to make this list!

Book of the week:

It's good that I'm not a member of the target audience for this book....